Greetings one and all! And a very Merry Christmas!
I am so sorry that I haven't posted anything in a long while... I'm readjusting to life. There have been some interesting trials and things I have faced in the few months it's been since I've written anything.
I'm half way done with my last year of schooling! Wow. Almost hard to believe that I have spent the better part of my life learning about the way the world works... When in fact, it works nothing like I thought it did! (spoiler alert!!) I've grown to understand what it really means to appreciate all that you have, and all that you are as a person. It took me a long time to get here.
As you know, I've struggled with depression. I've struggled with finding the sun in every day, even if the clouds cover it. I have learned that there will always be someone who cares about you, even if you're too blind to notice. I'm still not fully recovered from it, but then again, it's not something you fully recover from. There is always a part of you, no matter how small, that battles within itself every day to let the dark win, or let in the light. Some days are harder than others. Sometimes, it's hard to know that there are people who care about you, when all around you people point and laugh at you. I have faults. Everyone does. But with me, I take every mistake I have made, and I make it so much worse. They become like a poison to me, tearing apart my belief that I am an amazing person, and that I have friends and others who care about me. That I can be a blessing to those around me, I just have to find a way to serve.
I've made many new friends since this school year has started. One of them being Brad*. He's a sweet, shy boy I met through a friend at school. He's depressed too. And he cuts. He's an inspiration to me. I know, that may seem weird, but then again, I am too. We were talking one day at lunch about why some people need to cut and why it's so hard for other people who don't to understand why we need to do it. And I was inspired to write this:
"Sometimes, you cut to feel... When you're stuck at the low point, and you want to think about something else, you cut to think about that something else. And it takes your mind off of that horrible memory for a little while... until they scar... and you always wonder why it didn't go away, just like the pain in your heart. Eternally scarred, always scared.
You want to find the light, but there is so much darkness in the way. It becomes impossible for you to realize the potential that you have. And what potential does a broken, bloody... soul have? Only the greatest. Because we are the people who understand defeat. We understand what it means to fight for life. We know our worst enemy... and how to defeat ourselves, how to win the fight. We are the strongest, most loyal, most ferocious people you will ever come across..."
You do not know the power that you have to influence people for good. You have little idea of how much worth you have, right there, right inside of you.
In my journey into adulthood, I have found that there is much more to myself then I ever thought possible. I have learned what it takes to be a leader, and what it takes to be someone that others can rely on. It has taken me a long time to get to this point, but without a doubt I can say: I KNOW that I am here because I have a purpose, and I have people I am here to bless.
Can you say the same?
May this Christmas season bring great happiness, and great reflection into who and what you really are.
Stay wonderful :)
~Me
*Name changed
Thursday, December 25, 2014
Tuesday, August 12, 2014
An Ever Winding Path
When thinking of something cheery to say to all of my readers, I promptly could not think of ANYTHING to say! :) But hopefully, something will come to me soon!
I just want to start off by saying that I am seriously glad that my summer is almost over! Don't get me wrong, there were some AMAZING moments, but they are far behind me now! School starts in 7 days, and I am so ready to go back, to be with all of my friends, and to learn whatever I can before I go on my mission!
Speaking of Missions, my elder brother is leaving in a month for his Mission to Lima, Peru! It's a crazy time for me and my family, because I will become the oldest child, the one who gets to drive the others around and get them where they need to go... But that's not til December :)
As I think back on my summer, and all the amazing adventures I had, I think back to the canoeing trip I took during High Adventure. Just to back up- High Adventure is for 16-18 year old youth in the Church. They basically go and do all kinds of fun things, and this year, the Stake Leadership decided that they would combine the Young Men and Young Women (and keep us on opposite sides of the camp ground of course :) ) We did Via Feratta, which was AWESOME! (click the link to see the webpage of the place we went-- Torrent Falls- Via Ferrata) Not to mention my fear of heights was slightly over come, thanks to the help of a dear friend :) But it was fun to go around and to test the strength of your arms! While on this trip, the adult leaders in charge challenged us to find some way to apply it to the Gospel... The way that I compared it to the gospel was this: You had a clip that was in the middle of the harness, called your "rest clip" or something like that. You would clip it to the steel re-bar when you wanted to give your arms a rest. But me being me, I held on for dear life, even after the clip was in place! All I needed to do was to let go and trust that I would not fall, much like unto having faith in Christ. He won't let us fall, because he knows he won't let us. We just need to take that small step of faith and let go of the worldly problems and such and let Him take care of them!
I've also been doing some more poem writing and sketching. (To see the poem blog, click here.) Just read to the end of the post and you'll see my latest "masterpiece" as a very dear friend calls them. As most people know, I tend to think inward, about my feelings, when I write or draw. And let me just tell you, things haven't been easy. I've struggled with feeling down and trying to find where I belong in my hectic and crazy world. "I struggle just to find a better way" (Breaking Benjamin "Here We Are"). Out of all this struggle and torment, I can indeed say one thing. I am going through these trials for a reason! And I just have to fight til the end, and pray for help, and wait to find the blessings that come after the storm :)
As always, I am here for you! Just shoot me an email or a message if you need to vent about something :)
Stay Amazing!
~Me
I just want to start off by saying that I am seriously glad that my summer is almost over! Don't get me wrong, there were some AMAZING moments, but they are far behind me now! School starts in 7 days, and I am so ready to go back, to be with all of my friends, and to learn whatever I can before I go on my mission!
Speaking of Missions, my elder brother is leaving in a month for his Mission to Lima, Peru! It's a crazy time for me and my family, because I will become the oldest child, the one who gets to drive the others around and get them where they need to go... But that's not til December :)
As I think back on my summer, and all the amazing adventures I had, I think back to the canoeing trip I took during High Adventure. Just to back up- High Adventure is for 16-18 year old youth in the Church. They basically go and do all kinds of fun things, and this year, the Stake Leadership decided that they would combine the Young Men and Young Women (and keep us on opposite sides of the camp ground of course :) ) We did Via Feratta, which was AWESOME! (click the link to see the webpage of the place we went-- Torrent Falls- Via Ferrata) Not to mention my fear of heights was slightly over come, thanks to the help of a dear friend :) But it was fun to go around and to test the strength of your arms! While on this trip, the adult leaders in charge challenged us to find some way to apply it to the Gospel... The way that I compared it to the gospel was this: You had a clip that was in the middle of the harness, called your "rest clip" or something like that. You would clip it to the steel re-bar when you wanted to give your arms a rest. But me being me, I held on for dear life, even after the clip was in place! All I needed to do was to let go and trust that I would not fall, much like unto having faith in Christ. He won't let us fall, because he knows he won't let us. We just need to take that small step of faith and let go of the worldly problems and such and let Him take care of them!
I've also been doing some more poem writing and sketching. (To see the poem blog, click here.) Just read to the end of the post and you'll see my latest "masterpiece" as a very dear friend calls them. As most people know, I tend to think inward, about my feelings, when I write or draw. And let me just tell you, things haven't been easy. I've struggled with feeling down and trying to find where I belong in my hectic and crazy world. "I struggle just to find a better way" (Breaking Benjamin "Here We Are"). Out of all this struggle and torment, I can indeed say one thing. I am going through these trials for a reason! And I just have to fight til the end, and pray for help, and wait to find the blessings that come after the storm :)
As always, I am here for you! Just shoot me an email or a message if you need to vent about something :)
Stay Amazing!
~Me
Monday, June 16, 2014
Mini Mission ~ Senoir Status
Hello there!
Sorry it's been so long since I've posted. I've been busy with end of the year finals, and other school stuff. My Summer started with the best experience of my life! My Mini Mission!!!! :D
Truly, I think that had I not gone, I would have had a very different summer!
Just a little back ground info for those who don't know what in the world I am talking about :) I am a member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints. Otherwise known as Mormons! When a girl (for my case) goes on a mission, it's not just a trip. She volunteers her time and efforts to go out to a different state, or even country, to be in the world, but not of the world, and to share the message of the Gospel. It's all on them! They raise and save the money for this, and it is a life changing experience! And I got to have a taste of that for a week!
I met so many people, those who helped build my testimony, and those who tried my patience :) But everyone deserves a chance!
Something I learned while I was out was that you may be someone completely different on the outside than you are on the inside. One man we taught was struggling to understand how he could ever be worth something more than what he thought he was worth. And so I told him my story. I told him about my depression and about everything that I went through for the last 2 years. I made a point to say that I did lose faith that I was someone who could be worth anything at all. It amazed him to see how much I wasn't who he thought I was. He had thought that I was a happy teenager. It was wonderful to see the look on his face as he got a real look at who I was and how strong I am. On our way home, he told me that he had no idea, and that he couldn't even tell that I had been depressed. I told him that this was what the Gospel could do for him.
One other thing I learned was that if we have the simplest faith, anything can happen! My companions and I visited a member who was from Cambodia. She had heard about the Church as a little girl. One story she told us was that here family was trying to find a way to leave Cambodia during the Vietnam War. Her family knelt in prayer and asked Heavenly Father for the means, no matter how small, to be able to leave and come to America. The next morning, they went to sign up for the refugee roster to find passage on a boat, and found that they were already on the list, to leave the very next day. How wonderful is it to know that if we have but a mustard seed of faith then the Lord will bless us!
On another note, I am finally to the final year of schooling! I made it to my Senior year! How crazy is that?! It's hard to believe, for me at least, that I am at the pinnacle of my young adult life! But I am ready to go and to excel in everything I try, and if I can't excel, I'll just do my best :) Among other things, I am looking forward to representing my Choir as President, and hopefully, the other officers feel the same way! It's shaping up to be an amazing year!
As a final message to those reading: Remember that even when you don't like yourself, or you think you aren't worth it, Someone, somewhere is looking out for you and wants to help you in any way they can! It could be a friend, or someone you haven't even met yet! Keep your eyes open!
~Me
Sorry it's been so long since I've posted. I've been busy with end of the year finals, and other school stuff. My Summer started with the best experience of my life! My Mini Mission!!!! :D
Truly, I think that had I not gone, I would have had a very different summer!
Just a little back ground info for those who don't know what in the world I am talking about :) I am a member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints. Otherwise known as Mormons! When a girl (for my case) goes on a mission, it's not just a trip. She volunteers her time and efforts to go out to a different state, or even country, to be in the world, but not of the world, and to share the message of the Gospel. It's all on them! They raise and save the money for this, and it is a life changing experience! And I got to have a taste of that for a week!
I met so many people, those who helped build my testimony, and those who tried my patience :) But everyone deserves a chance!
Something I learned while I was out was that you may be someone completely different on the outside than you are on the inside. One man we taught was struggling to understand how he could ever be worth something more than what he thought he was worth. And so I told him my story. I told him about my depression and about everything that I went through for the last 2 years. I made a point to say that I did lose faith that I was someone who could be worth anything at all. It amazed him to see how much I wasn't who he thought I was. He had thought that I was a happy teenager. It was wonderful to see the look on his face as he got a real look at who I was and how strong I am. On our way home, he told me that he had no idea, and that he couldn't even tell that I had been depressed. I told him that this was what the Gospel could do for him.
One other thing I learned was that if we have the simplest faith, anything can happen! My companions and I visited a member who was from Cambodia. She had heard about the Church as a little girl. One story she told us was that here family was trying to find a way to leave Cambodia during the Vietnam War. Her family knelt in prayer and asked Heavenly Father for the means, no matter how small, to be able to leave and come to America. The next morning, they went to sign up for the refugee roster to find passage on a boat, and found that they were already on the list, to leave the very next day. How wonderful is it to know that if we have but a mustard seed of faith then the Lord will bless us!
On another note, I am finally to the final year of schooling! I made it to my Senior year! How crazy is that?! It's hard to believe, for me at least, that I am at the pinnacle of my young adult life! But I am ready to go and to excel in everything I try, and if I can't excel, I'll just do my best :) Among other things, I am looking forward to representing my Choir as President, and hopefully, the other officers feel the same way! It's shaping up to be an amazing year!
As a final message to those reading: Remember that even when you don't like yourself, or you think you aren't worth it, Someone, somewhere is looking out for you and wants to help you in any way they can! It could be a friend, or someone you haven't even met yet! Keep your eyes open!
~Me
Saturday, March 22, 2014
Putting A Spring in Your Step
It's almost been a year since my surgery! It's crazy to think about all that I have been able to do, and all that I have become since then!
It's now officially Spring here in the States... And I can't say I've been ready for it for a while now :) What with all the weather that's been below 0 for so long, and for all the crazy weather changes, from ice to rain. I've been ever so grateful for all the blessings that I have! So much of my life is a blessing, and through the help of a very dear friend of mine, I have come to realize that I am as much a blessing to myself than those around me are!
For the second semester of my School year, I have been working in my schools Guidance Office. I deliver passes to see the Counselors, put together packets for Seniors, and other odd jobs that need done around the office. On one occasion, I was assigned to take a new student around the school. It was a wonderful experience, because I was able to make a new friend, and I was able to share a few secrets that I've learned in the three years I have been there :) One thing that impressed me, was that even after I had shown her around the school, she still came and sought me out on her first day and asked if I could help her around again. She could have easily asked someone else, but as we were talking, she told me that she was impressed that I knew so much (Even though it's not really that impressive) and that I was always happy (apparently, she'd asked around about me). I was stunned, and grateful that someone noticed. I explained to her my motto: If you smile, People around you will smile too!
In a short explanation, the reason that this is my motto is because most often, people look to someone who is trying to find the amazing things in the day, and they would much rather be around someone who is smiling. Happiness is as contagious as a bad mood :) If you spread it around, people will generally be happier, and things will go more smoothly during the day. Try it! You never know what good you will be able to accomplish!
This Spring, try and make a difference! I have faith in you, and I know that you can do it! :) Remember, someone somewhere is thinking about you, and they want the best for you!
Stay Amazing!
~Me
It's now officially Spring here in the States... And I can't say I've been ready for it for a while now :) What with all the weather that's been below 0 for so long, and for all the crazy weather changes, from ice to rain. I've been ever so grateful for all the blessings that I have! So much of my life is a blessing, and through the help of a very dear friend of mine, I have come to realize that I am as much a blessing to myself than those around me are!
For the second semester of my School year, I have been working in my schools Guidance Office. I deliver passes to see the Counselors, put together packets for Seniors, and other odd jobs that need done around the office. On one occasion, I was assigned to take a new student around the school. It was a wonderful experience, because I was able to make a new friend, and I was able to share a few secrets that I've learned in the three years I have been there :) One thing that impressed me, was that even after I had shown her around the school, she still came and sought me out on her first day and asked if I could help her around again. She could have easily asked someone else, but as we were talking, she told me that she was impressed that I knew so much (Even though it's not really that impressive) and that I was always happy (apparently, she'd asked around about me). I was stunned, and grateful that someone noticed. I explained to her my motto: If you smile, People around you will smile too!
In a short explanation, the reason that this is my motto is because most often, people look to someone who is trying to find the amazing things in the day, and they would much rather be around someone who is smiling. Happiness is as contagious as a bad mood :) If you spread it around, people will generally be happier, and things will go more smoothly during the day. Try it! You never know what good you will be able to accomplish!
This Spring, try and make a difference! I have faith in you, and I know that you can do it! :) Remember, someone somewhere is thinking about you, and they want the best for you!
Stay Amazing!
~Me
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