Facing Challanges

Hi! I've been really busy with school and with other things, but I've found the time now to relax and just let go.

In the last few weeks, I've found that just trying to be yourself, and trying to learn all that you can is possibly the most important thing in my life right now. Some things don't always go as planned, and sometimes, you just can't help what happens, but you learn to just go with it. Rolling with the punches doesn't quite define it. Just keep believing in yourself, and keep going, smiling all the way. 

Not everything is easy. Not everything is good. Not everyone is nice. Not all your days will be good. But the one thing you need to remember is that you are amazing, you will always be wonderful, and that no matter what others may say about you, you are the best person that you can be!

You can be a better person tomorrow than the person you were yesterday.

Live every day like it's your last, and keep yourself open to others ideas.

Stay amazing!

~Me

Betrayal

Well! :)

I'm so excited to be going back to school! It's been an amazing summer, don't get me wrong, but I do like having that routine that comes along with being back in school.

Just a little back story: Over a month ago, my best friend and I stopped talking to each other, because they had told me that they had no feelings (at all) for me. I will admit, I was heartbroken. I asked the person why, and they said it was because I was too much like my mother, and that I wasn't listening. (And if any of you REALLY know me, I ALWAYS listen to whatever you need to tell me that is personal or could benefit me) We then parted ways, and haven't really spoken since. I still talk to the person, trying to show them that I have no hard feelings, and that I've moved on.

On the other hand, my old friend's closest friend decided to start spreading false rumors about me. It was while I was gone on vacation, giving said person enough time to alienate my friends from me, causing me to lose half of the people I would consider my friends. Now, they won't talk to me, and hardly look at me. My dear sister (not by blood) took up the challenge to ask them why they won't talk to me. They told her that they believe the rumor-spreader, and that I never tried to be friends with them.

What you need to realize is that these people never included me when they went to dances, stake activities, or even double or triple dates. I know I'm not like them, because I love to run and do all kinds of things athletic. But they never gave me a chance to be friends with them. And that's what hurts the most.

Sorry about that sob story!

On the bright side, I can still count myself lucky, because I have my sisters. :) They aren't related by blood, they don't share the same parents, they don't even have similar names. But they have stuck with me through thick and thin. They've stood by me when I hit my lowest points. They motivated me to do things I wouldn't have ordinarily done. They want me to be the best that I can be. And that's why they are my sisters!

Keep the sun shining in your life!!

~Me

Youth Conference and Girls Camp 2013

Me at Niagara Falls

Ahhh... Where to begin?

I had the most amazing time in Palmyra, NY 3 weeks ago! Wow... It's already been that long?! That's insane! The Spirit that I felt there has been with me ever since... and I hope that I will never loose that feeling! So many beautiful thoughts and sights there that were felt and seen!

Here's a couple pics from the trip :)

The Hill Cumorah Monument

It's a Long Road in NY!

This is the Palmyra Temple in Palmyra NY

Seneca Lake swim time!

*   *   *   *   *   *   *   *

Now on to Girls Camp!

I have to admit, that it was the most Spiritual experience that I had had in all the 5 years I've been going to Camp... The feeling I got while we were driving down that dusty gravel road didn't leave me until we left the camp almost 6 days later... I felt warm and bubbly, happy and loved... All in the same moment!

This year was my first year as being a YCL, which is a Youth Camp Leader. I was in charge of teaching the 2nd year campers how to correctly put up and take down the flag. I also had the opportunity to teach the first year campers (including my lovely younger sister :) ) how to tie a Bowline knot, and Square knot, and a Double half-hitch... and lemme tell ya, it was rough! Keeping the attention of 28 12-13 year olds is hard!!!

I'd have to say the best prank that was pulled on me was the 3rd night at camp... My tent got silly stringed by 2 girls from my Ward... and I had to clean it all off! :D I was a little upset at first, but after a while, I went and talked to them and we laughed about it til 2 in the morning! :)

The most amazing thing that happened to me at Camp was probably what happened after breakfast on Saturday. As I was leaving the Lodge, a 3rd year (Non-Member) handed me a note... and as I read it, it hit me. I was being watched! And I didn't even know it! I'll share a part with you now:

" Hi. You don't really know me at all, but you are a really big inspiration to me. You're so confident and always willing to help...... You are also really pretty; outside, and from what I've seen, inside as well......Thank you so much for being my inspiration, my motivation, and role model..."

I never knew I was that cool! And I certainly never thought that someone would look up to me...

Stay amazing my friends!

~Me

Nightmares and Daydreams

Thanks to all my friends and family who keep up with my blog! I'm sorry that I haven't blogged anything recently! I've been... Busy...

This is called a Briquette Press! My dad made this to press totally Earth-friendly, completely Bio-safe logs to burn! They are made from recycled paper and sawdust. They end up looking like giant hockey pucks! :) 

This is me and my closest friend Kelly on the last day of Exams! School ended roughly a month ago, and I really really miss her company!!!

There was this really awesome parade down by where my Grandparents live, and all these old 20's cars were driving past, and this was the coolest shot I got... I love photography, and I love old cars!! :) Win Win situation for me! :)

Shout out to the amazing Jeffrey! :) Lol this kid's got style!! :)

*   *   *   *   *   *

But this summer hasn't been all daydreams...

My best friend and I got into a fight over something really silly, but my best friend still is mad at me... I'm having to cope with that hate, mixed in with the feeling that someone really wants to hurt me... add on the fact that most of my life is spent worrying about stupid things, and feeling like I don't belong.... it's not a good mix! And it's not something I want to have to deal with for the rest of my summer!!

Here's an excerpt from an email I sent a dear friend of mine about a nightmare I had on the 30th of June...

"So i was at this arcade with some friends. As we were leaving, we all walked over to this fenced in house ( I don't really know why). when we got closer, the older guys comes running out and starts screaming and cussing at my friends, and I'm rooted to the spot... he grabs me, pulls me over the fence, and takes me into his house... then he rapes me, and shoves me back outside.. My friends are gone, except for Kelly... she looks at me and says "I thought I knew you" then she walks away.... Then I woke up... "

Hopefully this won't happen in real life... But I can only hope!

That's all for now!

Stay amazing!!

~Tam

 

Summer!!

I'm happy to say that school finally ended for me!!! :) Haha I'm so happy!!!

This past Friday, I got to go to Applebees with my Dad, Neil, and other friends of my dad's and mine :) It's always fun to go and just let go of some of the stress that has been on my shoulders for quite some time!

Here's a shout out to my good friend Jeffery! Hey friend! :)

Well... Where to begin! It's hard to believe that only 4 months ago, I was so useless and that I could hardly do anything! Now? Now, you can't even tell that I was like that! It's amazing to me that sometimes, things happen in ways you can't really even understand!

I'm happy to say though, that my summer isnt completely ruined! :) I can now go biking and running, which will probably take up most of my day now... And I can't wait to go to NY this summer, as well as Girls Camp, and Youth Conference! :) I will DEFINITELY remember to blog about those experiences! :)

For now, I'll just end with part of a poem I wrote...

Sometimes

Sometimes it's over
and the moment ends.
You gotta move on
maybe just as friends.

Sometimes you just
gotta move on!
Forget about things
that are already gone.

Sometimes it seems
your world is crumbling.
Cursing and swearing
quietly mumbling.

But if you remember
to just forgive
Sometimes things change
and happiness can live.




I love you all!!

~Tam

New Things To Conquer

Hola Amigos!

New news from me! Only 2 weeks left of Physical Therapy!! Yay!! I'll make sure to add a picture of the new athletic brace I have to wear in my next post...

Besides PT, I've had to deal with a serious bout of depression.... Not to mention most of my friends seem to think that I don't exist any more, and that I am just a silly person trying to get attention...

Still, I try to hide my hurt, and I imagine them somewhere else, where they don't mock me, or ignore me...

The title of this post (rightfully named) is about conquering new things... And the only new things I have to conquer is trying to regain all of my old muscle mass, and I have to try and be as positive as I can, no matter what the trial...

Because smiling is a great way to get rid of a frown! :)

Stay strong! Conquer on!

~Me




Here's a couple pics of my life right now :)

Me and my new glasses :D

Me and my amazing brother!

Me and my mom...

The sushi that I made today :)

 

My amazingly wonderful Family!

Why?

It's like no matter how hard I try, I'll always be a screw up... 

Here are a couple of my posts to help explain..


**(from Tuesday, May 14, 2013)


       "Ahhhh the Tuesday... one of my least favorite days... "Why?" you ask? Because Tuesdays are the days where I am ignored the most... "But Tamara, people love you!" Haha yeah, if you came to Mutual, you'd know how much of a lie that is...

Little back story... When I turned 16, I was so excited to be hanging out with  the girls who were older, and I thought I would have a chance to finally belong somewhere... Well, I was wrong... They ignore me, and forget I'm around, and then they talk to each other, and say things I'm not in on... Every time I am around them, I feel invisible... I feel awful for trying to speak up, and sometimes, they give me weird looks...

Yeah, I wear black... yeah, I don't smile as much as i used to... Yeah, I don't laugh as much... Yeah, I'm different... But they don't know why I'm like this... But they don't even try to make me feel welcome...Sorry for trying...

And now I find out that I don't get to see my dad on Sundays anymore... I still get to see him after church, and on Wednesdays, but it'll only be for a couple of hours... Which won't change, but it was nice seeing him more than once a week...

I haven't slept in almost 3 days... I feel so.........

I don't know what to feel anymore..."



**(from May 3, 2013)

          "Having a bad day right after crying your eyes out, not sleeping, and then thinking about horrible things makes me really want to cry... But if you think about it, the circle of my life might just start all over again... "


It's hard for me to keep trying to be who I want to be... What's the point? I'm constantly made fun of, constantly told I'm just a problem... What's the point? Why do I even try??

As to my recovery, I'm making amazing progress!! I've gotten back to 0 degree straight (which is good :) ) and I'm at 121 degree bend! Getting back to normal never felt so good!!!!! I also finally got to take off my big black brace! :) Haha wooo!!! :)

That's all for now! I'll keep you posted!

~Me :)