Greetings one and all! And a very Merry Christmas!
I am so sorry that I haven't posted anything in a long while... I'm readjusting to life. There have been some interesting trials and things I have faced in the few months it's been since I've written anything.
I'm half way done with my last year of schooling! Wow. Almost hard to believe that I have spent the better part of my life learning about the way the world works... When in fact, it works nothing like I thought it did! (spoiler alert!!) I've grown to understand what it really means to appreciate all that you have, and all that you are as a person. It took me a long time to get here.
As you know, I've struggled with depression. I've struggled with finding the sun in every day, even if the clouds cover it. I have learned that there will always be someone who cares about you, even if you're too blind to notice. I'm still not fully recovered from it, but then again, it's not something you fully recover from. There is always a part of you, no matter how small, that battles within itself every day to let the dark win, or let in the light. Some days are harder than others. Sometimes, it's hard to know that there are people who care about you, when all around you people point and laugh at you. I have faults. Everyone does. But with me, I take every mistake I have made, and I make it so much worse. They become like a poison to me, tearing apart my belief that I am an amazing person, and that I have friends and others who care about me. That I can be a blessing to those around me, I just have to find a way to serve.
I've made many new friends since this school year has started. One of them being Brad*. He's a sweet, shy boy I met through a friend at school. He's depressed too. And he cuts. He's an inspiration to me. I know, that may seem weird, but then again, I am too. We were talking one day at lunch about why some people need to cut and why it's so hard for other people who don't to understand why we need to do it. And I was inspired to write this:
"Sometimes, you cut to feel... When you're stuck at the low point, and you want to think about something else, you cut to think about that something else. And it takes your mind off of that horrible memory for a little while... until they scar... and you always wonder why it didn't go away, just like the pain in your heart. Eternally scarred, always scared.
You want to find the light, but there is so much darkness in the way. It becomes impossible for you to realize the potential that you have. And what potential does a broken, bloody... soul have? Only the greatest. Because we are the people who understand defeat. We understand what it means to fight for life. We know our worst enemy... and how to defeat ourselves, how to win the fight. We are the strongest, most loyal, most ferocious people you will ever come across..."
You do not know the power that you have to influence people for good. You have little idea of how much worth you have, right there, right inside of you.
In my journey into adulthood, I have found that there is much more to myself then I ever thought possible. I have learned what it takes to be a leader, and what it takes to be someone that others can rely on. It has taken me a long time to get to this point, but without a doubt I can say: I KNOW that I am here because I have a purpose, and I have people I am here to bless.
Can you say the same?
May this Christmas season bring great happiness, and great reflection into who and what you really are.
Stay wonderful :)
~Me
*Name changed
